when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
