you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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