the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
