I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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