It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
