I'm really into asian looking animals
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Are my feet made of real feet?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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