Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
