I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
