There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
