How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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