i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
