He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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