Hippo gnu deer
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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