Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
