How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
