Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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