theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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