She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
