I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
