why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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