I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
two words...techno handjob
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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