fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
