We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
