You were right. It hurts to walk today.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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