She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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