Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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