And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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