just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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