threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
