20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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