Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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