Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
