The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
