I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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