if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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