Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.

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(734): View more from Michigan

airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.

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(330): View more from Ohio

i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.

(614): View more from Ohio

My vagina agrees.

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(213): View more from California

there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.

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(208): View more from Idaho

i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.

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(303): View more from Colorado

There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Agreed.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.

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