So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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