Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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