Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
