i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
