the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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