she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize