You made me cry and you don't even care
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
