I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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