There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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