You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
