Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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