WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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