you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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