It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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