ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
