Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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