What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
