That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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