woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
