My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
