after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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