Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
