flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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