I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
