I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
