The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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