My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
