Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
