my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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