Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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