well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
