I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How's work?
Spinning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
