Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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