my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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