Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
