This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
third nipple confirmed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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